What if Superheroes were Made in China

Superhero movies, a uniquely American art form, embody the American ideals of freedom, individualism, hair gel and colorful leotards. But why should Americans be the only culture with superheroes? To level the playing field, I am pleased to present a proposal for superheroes with Chinese characteristics.

Captain China

Wang Er, a frail young man who could barely grow any crops, was selected by the Party in 1941 to join a secret government program . His body was enhanced to the peak of human perfection to help the country fight in World War II. Fully equipped with Kung Fu, Tai Ji and Shaolin Fist, he successfully saved the lives of many government officials. However, due to the protection of the country’s highly classified bio-technology, his identity was kept top secret for 60 years. Not until Beijing Chaoyang Renmin Qunzhong discovered his diary did the country get to know his glorious past. Now known as Captain China, Wang Er was recognized as a national hero on the TV show Touching China, and is now a frequent reference of Gaokao essays.

 

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Black Leftover Widow

Han Meimei was trained to be a secret agent from age 10. During a secret mission to infiltrate Fei Cheng Wu Rao, she was noticed by the show director for her sexy appearance and achieved instant fame. She decided to stay as she discovered in shock that she could make ten times more as a reality TV star. The year of 2014 marked big changes for Meimei – her new TV series was censored because of ODC (Over-Display-of-Cleavage), and she came under criticism for remaining unmarried after age 25. But she wasn’t defeated. She spoke up, declaring “I don’t want teenage girls to look at me and think that marriage is the only path to success,” becoming even more famous when Jennifer Lawrence retweeted her. Chinese females were deeply inspired, but she didn’t lose herself in fame. She married a 70-year-old rich man immediately and became one of China’s richest people when he died soon after.

 

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Iron Shanzhai-ed Man

Li Ming is a second-generation rich guy living in Beijing. After years of frittering away his life on clubbing and expensive cars, he resolved to change his life and use his wealth to save the world. Leveraging his dad’s capital, Li Ming developed amazing crime-fighting technology to bring to market. However, Li underestimated the competitive power of the Chinese people – no matter what he invents, some nameless company in Shenzhen will copy it and put it into massive production at half the cost. To make matters worse, Li lost all his seed funding in endless lawsuits to protect his intellectual property – you can guess how well that went in China. The only thing he has left is the shiny robot suit, which gets him mad tail the club but also holds him up at security check in the subway.

 

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Mag-healthcare-neto

Zhang San was born to a poor family in the late 1920s. After his parents died in the war Zhang was adopted by a monk on Wutai Mountain. When his master discovered his secret ability to control metal, Zhang was seen as the Living Buddha and worshipped by thousands of believers. However, after the PRC was established, Zhang was condemned as a symbol of Feudal Superstition and lost everything. But he came up with a plan to win them all back. Around 2008, the idea that magnetic fields are good for your health went viral in China. By demonstrating his super power, he was able to attract investors and establish a chain of beauty and fitness salons. Now, there’s a Magneto SPA in every major city and his “Magneto Health” articles are widely shared on Wechat moments.

 

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Bonus

The Chinavengers, starring Captain China and Iron Shanzhai-ed man, is already filming. When it’s an instant hit, we’ll start working on the sequel featuring these new heroes that are still under development:

Quicksilver

A rising star in the Waimai delivery industry – anywhere in the city, just within 30 minutes

Storm

Secret weapon to clear up the sky – only when the President of the US is visiting Beijing

Human Torch

Champion of the show China’s Got Talent, easily annoyed when being asked if he’d Shang Huo

Cyclops

Internet celebrity known for his fearsome laser vision, also the creator of the famous sticker –

 

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