How to Win A Chinese Blind Date

Nobody wants to be alone, and sometimes even an independent, intelligent, and open-minded person like you and me (mostly me) would consider going on blind dates. However, my foreign friends, blind dating in China is nothing like you’ve experienced anywhere else. Chinese have been set up on shitty dates for generations. As a result, Chinese people have mastered the art of blind dating like it’s some form of awkward kung fu. If you find yourself going on a blind date, be sure to master the strategies below first to maximize your chances of success:

Prepare For Tough Questions

No Chinese girl wants to date a dumbass. Just like Chinese colleges, they will subject you to a grueling examination before they let you in. Expect to field tough questions that challenge your intellectual prowess and draw on the complexity and nuance of 5,000 years of Chinese philosophy. Your only hope is to prep in advance: jot down some outline responses and practice with an experienced friend who can tell you if your reasoned argument meets the standard:
  • Do you think I am a little fat?
  • Who is prettier, you ex-girlfriend or me?
  • If your mom and I were to fall into a lake at the same time, who would you save first?
  • If only one can survive a difficult childbirth process, would you pick me or our baby?

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Bring A Financial Statement

We all know that the Chinese are masters of efficiency who crank out 500,000 iPhones a day. They’ve optimized the blind date too by making sure they learn the most important facts about their date in the first ten minutes. Expect questions including, “What’s your salary package? How much is the year-end bonus? Do you own any real estate? Any property inside the 3rd Ring?” – Chinese people ain’t playing games with you.

 

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Talk About Marriage/Kids All The Time

Talking about marriage and kids is the surest way to freak out a Western guy. But on a Chinese blind date, it’s essential to the path to victory. Chinese people love talking about marriage and kids, but don’t forget that for them it’s just like talking about weather. If you take this talk as a signal that you’re about to get lucky – think again. “Yes I do want 3 kids, but who said we’re having sex?!”

 

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Fight To Pay For The Bill

If you’ve ever had dinner with Chinese people, you’ve probably seen the bill scramble – people fighting to pay for your dinner to show friendliness. The scene gets even more furious if it is a blind date, as no one wants to be seen as stingy by someone they like. You’ll have to fight all-out to impress your date. We recommend you bring your nunchucks along just in case. It’s all about the Mianzi.

 

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