Most of the time I am pretty lazy, but when I do go to the gym, my favorite exercise would probably be judging. So let’s skip the intro, and get straight up to the topic – Top 5 Annoying People at the Gym!
A screamer is the person in the weight lifting zone that makes you feel like you are either at a slaughter house or a porn studio. Every five pounds, the screaming somehow manages to get louder; eventually, even when they can’t lift the bar at all, they can still manage to scream. They probably are imagining themselves at the Olympics…but the rest of us, just hope they get help for that constipation problem.
The Selfie Queen
Here comes our old friend fucking up the gym scene – it’s never about getting fit, but getting a good workout selfie at all costs. Don’t wanna mess up the makeup? Spray some water to fake a great sweat sheen. Not enough curves in the picture? Photoshop that shit until the barbell behind gets distorted. Don’t forget to get the six bottles of juice cleanse nicely framed in the corner. And wait, how can you forget ahout the #hashtags? #getfit #gogirl #gymday
The Competitive Warrior
Have you ever felt that someone is secretly watching over your shoulder when you are on the treadmill, trying to go just a little bit faster? Welcome the competitive warrior. Never give up, never surrender, the competitive warriors won’t even breathe faster when the speed is out of their limit. Taller, faster, stronger – that’s their game spirit – but don’t blame anyone else if they die younger.
If the screamer reminds you of porn vocally, the exhibitionist brings it up visually. They try their best to cover up as little as they can – for guys it’s usually a deep V brotank which only covers his nipples, and for girls it’s that pair of tiny tiny shorts that shows off just a little cooch when she’s stretching. And of course, 80% of their gym time is invested in self-appreciation through the mirror.
“Hi Steven! I know you left the office but listen, I need to talk about this business proposal and our Q3 KPIs. Yes right now! We need a strategic plan to improve the ROI and lower the TCO. I’m at the gym but let’s set up a quick conference call, my flight to Silicon Valley is leaving in 3 hours, and I’m also talking as loud as I can so that all the losers at the gym can hear how important I am!”