5 Types of Chinese Boyfriends

You asked for this, and here it is – 5 Types of Chinese Boyfriends!

The Straight-cancer BF

They talk about politics, they wear bead bracelets, they hate gays and feminists – their “straight-ness” has turned into disease that cannot be cured. They might be ugly as hell, but they’ll expect you to have a forever-21 face and a supermodel body. They may sound annoying, but despite their tough male chauvinism they can be easily tamed. Just simply cast a feminine spell: “you are my one and only MAN”, and they will give you whatever you want. Also try “you are so strong and powerful” and “you make me feel like a real woman”.

 

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The Pussy-whipped BF

The pussy-whipped boyfriend is the best right until you start to date him. He does your homework, buys your tampons, and washes your underwear while you just laze about. They rarely have any complaints, and even if they do, just yell at them:”Look at Linda’s boyfriend, he’s so sweet!” However, as time goes by, things may not be as great as they once were – he’ll eventually turn into a dumbass and blame all his failures in life on you, as if without you he would have become a CEO and found someone better.

 

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The Computer-game-junkie BF

“Hey babe I am feeling very naughty tonight.” “Oh you wanna play League of Legends together?” “No not in that way…” “Phew…that’s great! I don’t want to team with you either!” True story of your life with a computer game junkie boyfriend. Don’t smile when you see him posting “I love this baby so much, I’ll cherish her till death”, it’s 100% about his newly unlocked character skills, fancy virtual equipments, or expensive game peripherals.

 

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The Mommy-first BF

Filial piety is a respectful Chinese virtue, but the mommy-first boyfriend just takes everything over the top. Every action he takes is backed up by “mommy said so”, and even a little bit of your objection will turn into a reality show with him yelling “how dare you say this to my mom” and telling you how this strong and beautiful woman raised him with “shit and piss”. And, don’t even think about asking him the “your mom and I fall into a river” question, because when you are having a difficult labor, his mom gets to pick whether you or the baby gets to live.

 

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The Deep-in-the-closet BF

He likes to grab coffee and hang, and he gets along with all your girlfriends. He loves to go shopping with you, and he can pick you out an outfit better than you can for yourself. He holds you tight when you’re feeling fat and says, “Girl, we’ve all been there”. He beats everyone else in the #BoyfriendDoesMyMakeup challenge, and he’s proud of it. Things work out so well for you two, but you’ll always wonder – does he mean something else when he says he wants me to put a finger in his butt?

 

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