They pick you up for an early flight to Paris, they give you a ride home after a one night stand. The headlights of their cars warm up your heart at a windy night, and the ambiguous smell inside send you straight to vomit hell. Today Shameless is shedding the spotlight on our best friend – those we love and hate – Chinese Cab Drivers!
1. The Zero Sense of Direction
Mostly seen in Uber and Didi, these drivers start to poke at your nerves the moment they pick up your order – Just go straight to the pin! These apps designed it for a reason! Your journey with these drivers is likely to take two times longer, because even with 3 GPS equipped, they will still turn at the wrong intersection, miss the exit of the ring road, or just simply get lost in the map for no reason. If you try to offer them help, please avoid words like north, south, east and west. It will just confuse them more.
2. The Raging Racer
Wanna know what it feels like to be in an F1 race? Catch a cab of a raging racer! It’s all about aggressive overtaking, 2x over speeding, brake slamming, and road drifting. It is said that they are all rushing to death. These drivers are also very likely to have the habit of non-stop spitting and endless cursing. They may speak different dialects, but most of the time it will fall into three main categories: genitals, all forms of sexual behaviors, and welcoming messages to our mothers.
3. The Gossip Boy
Take a deep breathe before you get in a cab, because you are about to share your entire life – what you do, how much you make, where you are from, why you’re still single, and when you are gonna buy a house. What’s worse, they are not only receivers but also givers. They will talk so much about their personal life with absolutely zero reserve, including high school crush, mid-age crisis, and retirement plans. By the end of the ride you two will become true friends, holding hands, wiping each other’s tears – is this a cab ride, or a psychological counseling?
4. The Shitty Music Player
After a whole day of work you finally get into a cab. The city light is glowing in the faraway darkness. Peaceful is your heart, until the fucking Agricultural Metal song kicks in. Your ears are clearly getting raped by Phoenix Legend, but somehow your feet can’t help beating out the tune. Sadly, the suffer doesn’t end even when the ride is over. It’s an endless loop you can’t escape – the catchy song will be stuck in your head, replayed over and over again, until you take another ride and get a new song incepted.
5. The Road Robber
The Road Robbers are the modern mafia. They are so concerned that your trip isn’t long enough. Taking ridiculous detours, refusing low value passengers, and charging off the meter for newbies are their top 3 surviving skills. Did I just see the same intersection for the 5th time? Well, believe your own eyes! When encountering these robbers, throw in some cursing words in the local dialect, also tell them you’ve got some 关系 in the government – don’t fucking mess with me.
Thanks for reading! Mind sharing it with friends??