How to Argue with Foreigners

Do you have a foreign boyfriend or girlfriend? Do you argue with them a lot? Are you frustrated that you can’t beat them in an argument because your English might not be good enough? Well, worry no more, as Shameless is here with some handy skills to argue with your foreign partner. Let’s make China great again.

#1  Overwhelm Them with Math 

It’s a fact that Chinese people are better at math than those big-nose foreign devils, so make use of your intelligence. Even though your particular argument may have nothing to do with math, just throw in random numbers and equations for the sake of confusion. Quantify everything – plus them, multiply them, square them, and then square root them. You don’t even need to know the right answer to your own question. Just make your opponent answer it and if they can’t, call them stupid. 

#2  Drown Them in Chengyu 

Chengyu are super powerful when it comes to arguments, because you can tell a compelling story using just 4 characters. However, it’s not the only advantage you gain. Keep in mind that your foreign partner likely knows nothing about Chengyu, which means you can literally make up anything with 4 characters and alter the meaning in your favor – you’ll never run out of words again. Your partner will not only feel ashamed of himself/herself, but also admire you for your literary accomplishments. 

#3  “It Is A Chinese Thing!”  

Most of the arguments couples have are about non-sense, so you don’t have to be logical to win an argument. Sometimes you just need to find an irrefutable statement, repeat it again and again while slowly raising your voice. As a Chinese, you can always rely on your secret weapon – the incomprehensible gravity of Chinese history (5,000 years of it to be exact). By explaining that billions of Chinese people have done things this way since before other cultures even knew how to read, you can make everything “a Chinese thing” that “foreigners couldn’t possibly understand”. Drop this bomb and you are set, game, set and match. 

#4  Take the Moral High Ground 

Think about your argument with your significant other as a presidential debate – it’s not about what you say, but how politically correct it is. Remember, if you don’t take the moral high ground, your enemy will. But to make sure the morals are in your favor, focus on your comparatively humble upbringing and tell your partner to check their privileges. White privilege, male privilege, middle-class privilege, tax privilege, Netflix privilege, topless-in-public privilege, show-nipple-on-Instagram privilege, you name it. And if your partner claims to have no privilege to call his or her own? Tell them to check that meta no-privilege privilege! 

Thanks for reading the article!  Please let me know how your argument with your significant other goes, and…if you guys end up breaking up.

Stay Shameless!


1 Comment

  1. This is awesome. Definitely use Chengyu. It’s charmingly esoteric.

    BUT BE WARNED: some of us with huge noses have a math fetish. You may think you’re winning an argument by confusing us, but you’re really just turning us on with your math and Chengyu. You’re winning by pure seduction.

    If we welcome your numerical seduction we may seduce you back: 888888886666668888888866666688888888

    If we don’t welcome it, we will try to scare you off: 肆肆4444444444444444444444444444444444444444肆肆.

    You may search for deeper meaning by counting how many times we repeated the number four. The answer will horrify you even more. But if you can overcome these numerical superstitions, we will have no defense. We will become putty in your hands.

    P.S. Charming blog. Too bad they censored the old version. I hope you found a way to get around the censorship. 88888888.

    Liked by 1 person

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