5 Types of Roommates

Until you finally become rich and can afford an apartment of your own, you will be forced to live with at least one other person. He or she may begin as a friend or a stranger, but once you start living together, it doesn’t matter either way because you will become enemies. Welcome to the real world of roommates.

#1 The Ghost

You signed the contract and he welcomed you the day you moved in, but that was the last time you saw him. On a sunny morning, he isn’t there; on a rainy night, he isn’t there either. You never hear him brushing his teeth, cooking meals, or even flushing the toilet. Month by month, the only message you receive from him is a note in the living room about rent and electricity bills. You quite enjoy this arrangement at first – as it gives you the chance to hang out in the living room with no pants on – but after sixth months, you begin to question your own sanity. “Does he really exist? And am I even real?” 



#2  The Sex Machine

Unlike the Ghost, the Sex Machine is constantly reminding you of his existence with loud loud sex noises. You’ve never been formally introduced, but you definitely know his name, and even how to say it in different languages. 9 AM… 1PM… 3 AM… To him they all mean one thing: time to bang. When you are cooking, he is spanking. When you are reading, he is choking. And when you are sleeping, he is cracking the whip. Sometimes you get really worried — is this simply violent sex, or should I call the police? 

 

#3  The Frat Boy 

After a long day of work you just want to chill in your room, but the moment you open the door you’re greeted by a potent mix of weed smoke, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and half-drunk party-goers. Congrats, you are living with the Frat Boy. His top 3 skills are chain-smoking, glass breaking, and midnight music blasting, but everyone likes him. Meanwhile, if you even remotely imply that the music is too loud, you are immediately accused of “killing the vibe”. And so, even if you decide to say nothing and continue on to your room, you can’t help but hear someone say — “Dude, this party is awesome, but your roommate is so lame.”


#4  The OCD Freak 

“Hi, nice to meet you! Let me explain to you some simple house rules. First, be sure to take off your shoes and carefully put them on the shelf with 5 cm space on each side. Great, thanks. Now, please be careful of the sofa as you enter the living room. You’re welcome to take a seat but be sure to stay on the left side because the right side is kinda like my spot. Oh, and here’s a bookshelf you can use, but keep in mind that all the books need to be arranged by size. Also, always use a coaster when you are drinking. The watermark bothers me a lot. That also reminds me – never ever move this plant. God knows this house is asymmetrical enough as it is.”


#5  The Third Wheel 

After weeks of searching, you finally found the perfect roommate. You both had similar schedules and shared interests, and you both enjoyed a bro comedy on Sunday night. But everything changed after he met this girl. It was no longer just the two of you at the dining room table. And there was no more roommate workout. She even took your spot on the couch during movie night and forced you to sit on the carpet. How could this happen? Things were so perfect before. You tried to be nice to her at first, but you just couldn’t control yourself when he told you he was moving in with her. Watching him leave, you yelled at him with tears in your eyes — “I can’t believe you’re leaving me for her! I thought what we had was real!”


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